The Canon of Comfort: Fluffy Bilbo Prints His Own Pink-Beaned Fan Club
Bilbo, a magnificent creature of black velvet fluff with a dazzling white bib and matching mittens, was having a philosophical morning. His human, Ava, had made the grave error of leaving a cardboard box on the pristine wooden floor. To Bilbo, a box was not merely a container; it was a sanctum, a thinking station, and a statement of possession. He settled into the compact space, his body forming a perfect circle of contentment. From his vantage point, peering over the edge with his huge, golden-green eyes, he surveyed his domain. His white whiskers, long and formidable, twitched in contemplation. This box is acceptable, he concluded. But what, truly, is the essence of fluff? This question led him to his next great project: self-documentation. Bilbo was supremely proud of his fluffy assets, particularly his paws, which were rumored to be the fluffiest in the entire county. They were miniature snowdrifts, complete with delicate pink toe beans hidden beneath a glorious overgrowth of white fur. He had often observed Ava documenting things—papers, receipts, photographs—using the mysterious, warm, humming black box known as The Canon Printer. It was a machine of great importance, often generating warm air, which was a comfort Bilbo deeply appreciated. And so, with the quiet determination only a cat on a mission can muster, Bilbo leaped from his cardboard throne and ascended the printer. Ava had just printed something, and the machine was still radiating a cozy heat—a perfect spot for a brief, self-satisfied nap. He settled his enormous, velvety head right on top of the Canon logo, allowing the ambient warmth to soothe his intellectual fatigue. Unbeknownst to him, the page that had just rolled out beneath his chin was the physical evidence of his human’s recent, slightly obsessive behavior: a photographic tribute to his paws. Ava, completely in love with his unique floof, had carefully taken high-definition photos of his mittens, capturing every glorious, wispy strand and every soft, innocent pink pad. She had then printed them out, four perfect, magnified portraits of his puffy pink toe beans and the dazzling white fur that fanned out from them, all set against a striped charcoal background. Bilbo, sleeping soundly on the printer, was resting right on the factory that created his own fan art. He was, quite literally, sitting on his own fame. Ava walked back in, saw the cat on the printer and the printout beneath, and nearly dropped her mug. She had caught Bilbo, the philosopher-king, in the very act of unknowingly endorsing his own celebrity. “Bilbo,” she chuckled, lifting the sheet of paper, “You really are the fluffiest tyrant who ever lived.” Bilbo opened one golden eye, gave her a slow, deliberate blink—the cat equivalent of an eye-roll—and settled back down deeper into the printer’s warmth. His message was clear: Document my magnificence, human. But do it quietly. I’m resting on the job.
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